New Blog and Going Private

Me and Nate have had a very eventful year.

Nate has been working hard at the prison and in the guard. I have been busy homeschooling Paul and taking care of the kids and house. We also have been doing some Home Improvement projects and have started raising 4 backyard chickens.

The main thing we have been doing though is a long story. In August 09' we got the feeling we we're meant to have another baby. Since we had taken steps to prevent this we knew it was going to be tough. We prayed and fasted and had a even stronger feeling that we were to have another baby.

Well after about 6 months we did IVF in April. The Doctor told us our chances were very good. So as you can imagine the shock was very difficult when we lost the pregnancy. Plus it was very testimony shaking at the time, and strengthening now looking back.

After a few months we still felt we were meant to have another baby. We began looking in to adoption when we suddenly took a path I never thought we would consider (Nate has always loved this idea). We are going to Foster to Adopt.

I had very set views about adoption when we considered it right before we got pregnant with Brook. I was sure I could never handle and open adoption. I was also sure I only wanted a baby. I thought I couldn't deal with the issues of older kids. Looking back I know God was just preparing me for this by giving me a few experiences that altered my views.

First I worked at a Head Start. The kids were at risk kids, many from very neglectful or abusive homes. They needed a constant in their life and when they got it their poor behavior lessened. I loved working with those kids.

Second was Nate's brother's fostering experience. I could see the difference they made in the lives of their kids and the kids made in them. Their foster son also had a lot to do with our decision too. He has made so much progress with families who love him but I know he hurts still. It hurts to hear him say how much he wishes he had a place where he knows he belongs.

Manda helped me a lot too. Her experience with her wonderful boys changed my views on being open with a Birth Family. She keeps their mom involved through blogging. I have never seen her be jealous of the birth mom but I have seen her be incredibly grateful. I know from watching her that is the way to approach it. 

Last was dealing with my IVF. I felt sure we were meant to have a baby. After, while I was sorting through my feelings, I realized I didn't know for sure it was a baby. I just knew we were meant to have more kids in our family.

Nate asked how I would feel about fostering. I thought about it and all these thoughts came to me and I realized that my experiences and my families experiences led us to this path. The Lord knows what we are meant to do even if we don't. He knew we would have to lose that pregnancy in order for us to go down this path. So when we felt it was the right thing to do, so strongly, we were right. It just didn't turn out the way we thought. As we talked about it we decided to just let the whole thing fall into the Lords hands and if we are meant to have a particular child it will all work out right and if the kids end up going home that's because the lord has a different child in mind for us. We just have to love them and hope.

I have been wanting to share these experiences, but am not yet ready to share this with the whole world. That is part of the reason for going private. The other reason is as we get foster kids we can't post on face book or an open blog about them. We can only share with our family. So I may actually post more here then there. We are all very excited about this. All our Paperwork is done and we only have 1 more class and one more home visit to get our license.